Aaron Joseph Purmort, Spider-Man, Dead At 35

Spidey and fam

A Minneapolis-area man recently lost a battle with cancer. But just before his death last week, he wrote an obituary where he revealed a startling secret to the world.

Aaron Joseph Purmort, 35, said he was none other than the Amazing Spider-Man:

Purmort, Aaron Joseph age 35, died peacefully at home on November 25 after complications from a radioactive spider bite that led to years of crime-fighting and a years long battle with a nefarious criminal named Cancer, who has plagued our society for far too long. Civilians will recognize him best as Spider-Man, and thank him for his many years of service protecting our city. His family knew him only as a kind and mild-mannered Art Director, a designer of websites and t-shirts, and concert posters who always had the right cardigan and the right thing to say (even if it was wildly inappropriate).

The touching obituary published in the Star-Tribune also notes that Purmort was once a member of a band called The Asparagus Children, “which reached critical acclaim in the northern suburbs” and that his son, Ralph, “will grow up to avenge his father’s untimely death.”

Read the full obit here.

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